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My show, your show

My show, your show

There is absolutely nothing better than meeting a person who loves television as much as you do. It means there isn’t going to be a dearth of conversation and you won’t ever need to rely on small talk.

If they’ve watched the same shows as you, brilliant! That’s a few hours easily spent talking about Studio 60 and Community. If they haven’t, that’s good too. Then there is that wonderful feeling of recommending something amazing to them (made more wonderful when they watch it and confirm it’s amazingness). You haven’t seen The Wire? Oh my god, give me 4 hours of your life while I tell you in detail why it’s the best thing ever made while simultaneously telling you, you have to watch it to understand it’s brilliance.

The show you say is your favourite is always a telling hint about who you are. Here are the broad categories that TV watchers I have met can be classified into –

The hardcore watcher: They like their shows to be dramatic, hard-hitting and want every scene to make them go “faaaaacck”. No namby-pamby sitcoms for these guys. They like their heart rate at a steady 300 please. Their favourite shows include Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones or Boss.

The honey watcher: The honey watchers might be the ones who share motivational quotes of Facebook and Pinterest, they just might. A bit sickly-sweet, these guys get all their life advice from TV, and will generally use the term ‘heart warming’ to describe a show. They are always on the lookout for a deep meaningful conversation and believe that true love makes the world go around.  They also love to cry. Their favorite shows include Gilmore Girls, Dawson’s creek, Bunheads, Glee or Parks and Rec.

The obvious nerd watcher:  Have you seen Firefly? Is it better than Battlestar Galactica? How can you not have seen Falling Skies? I hate The Big Bang Theory. This type is pretty self-explanatory.

The time-warped watcher:  These are by far the worst kind and I have met so many of them. The ones who talk way too fondly of Friends or Will and Grace. I love both these shows but, god, move on and stop quoting dialogues. I know every dialogue from Friends too but how about waking up in 2012, man. Get an internet connection and change the time setting in your head! If you say how you doin’ one more time, I will punch you. Oh my god, remember that episode when Joey tell Ross to punch him and…shut up!

The always-ready-for-a-fight watcher:  I truly love these kind of people (mostly since I belong to this category). It doesn’t even matter what their favourite show is, it could be The Wire, Six Feet Under, House, Boston Legal or whatever, they will defend it like their annual salary depends on it. You could spend hours telling them that Suits is a speck of dirt on Boston Legal but they will hit you with Harvey Spectre quotes and shake their head at you when you talk about Alan Shore’s epic closing statements till you want to slap them. But they are the best kind. Increasingly, my comeback for everything is, you haven’t seen The Wire? Yeah, you don’t count.

Passionate television watchers of the world, you guys are amazing. This week I have been watching Louie, Go on, Mad Men, Breaking Bad and The Newsroom. Talk to me about these and I’ll love you forever.

Suits or straitjacket?

Suits or straitjacket?

What, I repeat, WHAT, is all this fuss about Suits? I don’t get it. Usually, I’m patient with television shows. “Oh Parks and Rec only really picked up in season 3.” “Well, you know I never really warmed to that chick in shameless in till about episode 5,” But Suits? Please!

The show starts with a premise that seems doable, a sharp corporate lawyer takes on a young protégé who has a terrible secret.  The illusion of sharp dialogue, a lot of walk and talk and lawyer jibber-jabber, hot paralegals in heels – they got all of those down to a T. But characters are too show-offy and smart alecky. They’re like the kind of people our teachers would slap and say “Ey, no need to be over smart.” One of the leads, Harvey Spectre, has a chip about the size of a mini desk globe on his shoulder and he struts about his a supposedly dashing half-smile that I don’t get. Hey, what’s the joke Harvey? That you’re an insufferable know-it all that gets away with smooth wordplay without doing the bare minimum? The other lead, the young pup, Mike Ross, scurries behind him looking scared and befuddled in turns. Why on earth for? He’s mostly the one with all the brainwaves. He was endearing. Then he became sad. Harvey and Angela Pearson,  (the tall, statuesque partner of the firm), have a relationship that smells vaguely of House and Cuddy, but minus the insane delivery and comic timing that Hugh Laurie has. The cases were bound to be un-dramatic. After all, the suits work at a corporate law firm not a criminal one so if an episode comes to a courtroom drama (usually the plot just stutters into pre-court settlements. Bleh), there’s less, “You can’t handle the truth,” and more “My clients name was not on the board of directors in 2002” Gasp. Gasp and shock all around.

So far, Rachel, who plays a too hot to be true, paralegal, is the most annoying. The way that character rolls her eyes, flips her hair and sashays through the halls in tight skirts makes me think she mis-marked her calendar on the day they were casting for 90210 and stumbled into this show instead. I flinched when she overdid the whole whispered “I’m not wearing any underwear” line. Talk about taking a sledgehammer to the face. And why does television and the movies like that line so much anyway?

This show is the sound and the fury, signifying nothing. Seriously, if you must watch it, try having a drink first.

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