The Carrie Diaries. Oh yayer! A look into the past of the woman who spoke to the modern, sexually liberated woman? Hell, the woman who invented the modern, sexually liberated woman? This should be good. I put my feet up and keep a bowl of salad within reach. Alright, alright it’s a bowl of potatoes and butter. Geez. Food police!
A quick introduction to The Bradshaw bunch, not to be confused with the brady bunch. Bradshaw mom just lost a battle with cancer and her sister is a pot-smoking, kohl-eyed teenager with teenage angst. Her dad seems nice.
Oh look. Carrie’s off to school. Of course, there are a bunch of snobby, popular mean girls who wear way too much make up. Stage for coming of age staple. Carrie has three best friends; Mouse, Maggie and Maggie’s boyfriend. (That guy is gay for sure.)
New kid, with blonde hair and sunglasses. His lips are so strange. It feels like I’m watching Beverly Hills 90210.
Side note: Wait, hold up! Is Mouse Knives from Scott Pilgrim vs the World? Props to the cast of Scott Pilgrim making it on TV. Kim is on The Newsroom, Michael Cera is back as George Michael. Yay!
Oh oh. Seems that Carrie’s the only virgin in the gang. Her friend just called it ‘putting a hot dog through a key hole’. Excuse me while I retch.
Flashback to new kid and Carrie making out in the pool last summer. Well, of course.
Ok, her dad comes to school and she passes out because the last time he did, it was to give her news about her mum dying. That’s kind of sad. He’s come to talk to her about an internship in Manhattan. That couldn’t wait till she came from school?
Her sister has ruined her mother’s bag. But Carrie goes all DIY on it and starts splashing nail polish. Madonna plays in the background. Oh, yeah this is the 80s
Carrie is in Manhattan now! The beginning of everything. That voiceover about the city of dreams and big buildings. Yawn.
She runs into the editor of Interview magazine. Gushing follows. She’s African American and a shop lifter who “collects people”. Ugh. She takes Carrie out partying and drinking and she meets the first gay people ever. Oh, and a sardar guy! They are all dressed idiotically. Cue cheesy voiceover about how Carrie’s lost her virginity (to Manhattan. Nice try) and she feels so much more confident now.
Her sister Dorrit runs away from home and Carrie has an emotional breakdown. Followed by a speech from her dad that is so emotional that it would probably make Danny Tanner proud.
Mouse’s first ever boyfriend has clearly left her. He hasn’t called in two days. I seem to see the stirrings of the Carrie from SATC. You know, always there for her friends and super supportive.
The family together open and pack up their mom’s closet (which is huge by the way. Mrs. Bradshaw was a fashionista obviously. And pretty rich), as part of accepting that she’s actually gone.
What is this I’m watching? This show has crammed every possible teen pop staple into one episode; tragedy, fashion, virginity, trying to find who you are, high school dance, emotional speeches. I mean, that would be okay, if it actually gave us insight into how a popular character evolved and was hence made. This stuff isn’t anywhere near the other kind of prequels we’ve seen. Off the top of my head, prequels from The Wire and those never even got much attention. Yawns galore. Plus the TV screen gave off this glowy flourecent light, everyone wore sweaters and frills and everything was 80s and horrible.
Did I say 80s? God, the show just read my mind. Girls just wanna have fun by Cyndi Lauper in the background. Secretly gay boy is looking at a picture of Rob Lowe. Carrie is going to start journaling. Thrilling stuff. Truly fucking thrilling. I probably need some more butter with my potatoes. Sharanya Out.