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Suits or straitjacket?

Suits or straitjacket?

What, I repeat, WHAT, is all this fuss about Suits? I don’t get it. Usually, I’m patient with television shows. “Oh Parks and Rec only really picked up in season 3.” “Well, you know I never really warmed to that chick in shameless in till about episode 5,” But Suits? Please!

The show starts with a premise that seems doable, a sharp corporate lawyer takes on a young protégé who has a terrible secret.  The illusion of sharp dialogue, a lot of walk and talk and lawyer jibber-jabber, hot paralegals in heels – they got all of those down to a T. But characters are too show-offy and smart alecky. They’re like the kind of people our teachers would slap and say “Ey, no need to be over smart.” One of the leads, Harvey Spectre, has a chip about the size of a mini desk globe on his shoulder and he struts about his a supposedly dashing half-smile that I don’t get. Hey, what’s the joke Harvey? That you’re an insufferable know-it all that gets away with smooth wordplay without doing the bare minimum? The other lead, the young pup, Mike Ross, scurries behind him looking scared and befuddled in turns. Why on earth for? He’s mostly the one with all the brainwaves. He was endearing. Then he became sad. Harvey and Angela Pearson,  (the tall, statuesque partner of the firm), have a relationship that smells vaguely of House and Cuddy, but minus the insane delivery and comic timing that Hugh Laurie has. The cases were bound to be un-dramatic. After all, the suits work at a corporate law firm not a criminal one so if an episode comes to a courtroom drama (usually the plot just stutters into pre-court settlements. Bleh), there’s less, “You can’t handle the truth,” and more “My clients name was not on the board of directors in 2002” Gasp. Gasp and shock all around.

So far, Rachel, who plays a too hot to be true, paralegal, is the most annoying. The way that character rolls her eyes, flips her hair and sashays through the halls in tight skirts makes me think she mis-marked her calendar on the day they were casting for 90210 and stumbled into this show instead. I flinched when she overdid the whole whispered “I’m not wearing any underwear” line. Talk about taking a sledgehammer to the face. And why does television and the movies like that line so much anyway?

This show is the sound and the fury, signifying nothing. Seriously, if you must watch it, try having a drink first.

Six television couples we love

Six television couples we love

Matt and Harriet from Studio 60

There’s something deeply romantic about these two. She’s his beautiful, spirited muse. He falls to pieces and becomes a gibbering wreck without her. Politically, socially, spiritually they’re at complete odds. She’s a star comedienne and he’s a deeply talented humour writer, so that’s a lot of funny in one relationship. She’s conflicted, he is stubborn.  But there’s something deeply romantic about these two.

Andy and April from Parks and Rec

“We’re in love, we didn’t over think it. I mean, I cannot emphasis how LITTLE we thought about this.” Best. Wedding. Speech. Ever. April and Andy are really children playing at being married. They eat out of Frisbees because who needs plates, their role play involves an FBI agent and a rich, 1920’s widow and they get a bunch of medical tests done for fun, when they learn they have health insurance. And they’re the cutest. April and Andy!

Marshall and Lily from How I met your mother

Lilypad and Marshmellow. Sigh. Where to begin. They met in college and they still tell each other what they had for lunch. She finds his calves irresistible and she knows never to bring up chucky before bedtime. He plans elaborate parties for her because she loves birthdays. “Happy happy lily day.”

Joey and Rachel from Friends

If I was friends with on again/off again/on a break/getting married/having a baby/load a gun and kill me already and whatnot Ross and Rachel, I would have slapped them. A lot. Joey on the other hand was perfect. He was madly in love with Rachel, so pretty, and he was closer to her IQ level than Ross was. Also, clearly he has better game.

Jackie and Hyde from That 70’s show

She is uptight and rich and he’s a rebel with sideburns; they are meant for each other. Unfortunately they don’t work out what with the strippers, weddings, Kelso and Fez in the middle, but Jackie and Hyde were the cutest couple on that 70’s show.

Joey and Pacey from Dawson’s Creek

Joey Potter was caught in the eternal struggle between her best friend and his best friend. Well, it happens to all of us (not really). The kids on the creek sure experimented with a whole bunch of people before a moderately bad boy swept Joey off her feet. And thank god for that. Dawson Leary is the most boring, weak-ass protagonist to roam the land of teenage romance television shows.

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