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I’m Mole!

I’m Mole!

You guys, I’m Mole. From the Wind in the Willows. I’ve only just realised it and had to weep to someone because who wants to be personality-less Mole? He hid himself underground till he was sick of it and then he attached himself to Rat and embraced a new life, but he was never as cool as Rat, though he always tried. I’ll probably never be as cool as Rat. It’s so creepy when an author or scriptwriter creates some sort of version of you that he totally dreamed up out of nowhere. It’s worse when its an animal. Hands up if you identify with at least two of the weirdest creatures from Alice in Wonderland (For me, it’s the flamingo at the croquet game, and in my incompetent days, Bill the Lizard, Jury Member from the Trial scene). I wonder if the writers know they’re doing it. It’s pretty damn annoying regardless.

As far as characters go I always like the ones that are not like me. If a character in a book or film, is too close to the real me for comfort, I’ll immediately back away. For instance, if I were to be completely honest, as a kid I was like the shy and timid Beth March but I avoided this absolute truth because I wanted to be feisty like Jo. In films too, I have to aspire to the personality types of characters, or I’ll hate them right off the bat. I’d rather be happy-go-lucky and risk taking Kumar than the uptight, paranoid play by the rules Harold but I suspect that the opposite is true. I totally want to be House MD, witty and brilliant, but I’m so completely Wilson – seemingly well-adjusted and easily manipulated.

So anyway, since I’m on this whole self-actualisation trip, I might as well come clean. These are three characters that I’d want to think I’m like, against the one’s I’m actually like.

What I want to be: Bobbie Wickham and/or Stiffy Byng from the Jeeves series. Spontaneous, quick on their feet and inventor of hare-brained schemes that never end up working.

What I’m actually like: Florence Craye, pseudo-intellectual and little formidable and scary. “The root of the trouble was that she was one of those intellectual girls, steeped to the gills in serious purpose, who are unable to see a male soul without wanting to get behind it and shove.” Bertie Wooster, Joy in the morning. Sigh. It’s kind of true.

What I want to be: Kima Greggs from the Wire. Capable, smart and quick.

What I am: The Bunk. Good at his job, but undeniably lazy and disgruntled with everything.

What I want to be: House MD. Witty, sexy, confident, brilliant, self-assured and downright amazing.

What I am: Wilson. Sidekick to awesomeness.

What I want to be: Stan from Southpark. Chilled out and cool. He even has a girlfriend until he went goth. (“They’re all a bunch of conformist bastards.”)

What I am: Tweak. I can panic on demand. My philosophy is “If there’s a reason, even a small one, to flip out like a pancake, do it and don’t think twice.” A lot of people think Tweak’s character was over the top. Not so. I’m like that. I even twitch when I’m nervous.

Okay that’s enough honesty for today. I still want you guys to like me after all (another reason why I’m like Wilson) and I don’t want you’ll to walk away saying “she’s the crazy half of this project.” That’ll just be sad.

Female characters who shine (despite bleak circumstances)

Female characters who shine (despite bleak circumstances)

Elliot Reid from Scrubs

Through eight seasons of Scrubs, I have never stopped feeling bad for Elliot. She’s pudgy, and a complete emotional mess. She cries in broom closets, she loses all her stuff, she gets dumped so many times, I’ve lost count. But she’s a great doctor. She braves all that stuff (when she isn’t crying in a closet) and faces up to Dr Cox managing to not go utterly apeshit crazy.

Christina Yang from Grey’s Anatomy

Meredith Grey is one of the most boring protagonists ever. Christina is the real rockstar here. She is the best doctor at Seattle Grace, she’s focussed, she’s driven and she will not take your crap. Well she cannot seem to keep a man. But who cares? She isn’t whining and crying like poor little Meredith, she goes out and kicks ass.

Robin Scherbatsky from How I met your mother

Robin is a news reporter, a pop sensation, a bull fighter, a scotch drinker and a wearer of boots. She is starved for attention from her father and can’t have babies and has a job, that is downright humiliating at times, but through it all, she manages to look hot…I mean, keep a brave face and still be funny.

Arya Starck from Game of thrones

Her circumstances are not bleak. They downright suck. First her dad’s head gets chopped off and she barely has time to register this and she has to make a run for it on account of the most powerful people in the country wanting her captive. She escapes horrific fires, men with swords and inevitable torture. She’s alert, quick-witted and brave. Oh and btw, she’s only 11 years old. Stick ‘em with the pointy end, Arya.

Kima Greggs from The Wire

She’s a woman cop in the most dangerous unit in the city but who cares about that, right? We love Kima, because she comes out of five seasons with her professional integrity intact. Not even her righteous boss, Daniels can boast of this. In season one, when she awakes from a coma, she recounts exactly what she experienced, even when it meant that an extra name could put away a hardened criminal. Justice and fairness, all the way. In season five, she picks chain of command over shielding an errant colleague. Natural Poh-lice.

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