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Nick and Jess

Nick and Jess

Friends who fall in love are one of those clichés everybody loves and when a sitcom takes up the notion we love it some more. All shows begin with the will- they-won’t-they premise on some level and then finally when the audience has almost given up…bam! It’s what keeps people going. I know I’d probably have stopped watching The Office if Jim hadn’t confessed his love for Pam at the end of two agonizing seasons.

New Girl had one of those moments two weeks ago. Initially I hated New Girl and particularly Zooey Deschanel’s character Jess. Halfway into the second season, I still hate her, but boy, has the show done a 360. Most of the credit goes to Schmidt (Max Greenfield) and some of it to Nick (Jake Johnson). Last week in one of those ‘what-the-hell-just-happened’ episodes Nick and Jess kissed. A small part of me (the part that really secretly dances when Rachel gets off the plane and the one that openly weeps when Andy and April get married) was super excited. Finally! Finally! But, hey, so damn predictable. It had to happen some time. Now, it’s going to get all complicated and saccharine sweet, there’s might even be tears, damn it.

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But it doesn’t. In fact, the following episode was a great example of brilliant comedy writing. How do you follow up a long awaited kiss with a hilarious episode? By taking the entire gang out of the loft and into an Indian wedding convention, that’s how. Ceecee is looking to get hitched and Schmidt is here to woo her. Jess and Nick are both trying to avoid each other and Winston is just doing some kind of nonsense (they should really give me him better storylines). The episode veers of into the emotional (when it dawns on Ceecee that she’s on table 34 because she’s just a model), the silly (Schmidt having a conversation in Hindi. “Hello” “Hello” “Samosa” “Yes, please, samosa” “more towels” “Do you know where the white person toilet is”) to the completely random (Nick doing a backwards moonwalk every time he’s nervous).

When Jess admits to Sam that she kissed Nick, he breaks up with her. Nick tries to unsuccessfully cheer her up and even gives her a super awkward hug. And that’s it. No indication whatsoever of them even considering romantic futures with each other. No sappy speeches. They just made a mistake and they are moving on.

Isn’t that wonderful? Everything doesn’t have to lead to anything and I do hope they never really get together. It would change the dynamic of the show and I hate that kind of change (anyone notice how nothing fundamentally changed when Monica and Chandler got married? It was like they were always married). Yes, yes Nick and Jess would be so cute (so so cute) but that’s not Nick and that’s not Jess. They can’t deal with it and I love that the writers lets the characters do as they would. If they did decide to get together, I wouldn’t believe it all.

Manic pixie dream bitches

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Manic pixie dream bitches

Aww, silly Jess look she just fell over the couch and showed her pink underwear to a bunch of important people at a fancy party. Whoops. How cute is that?

Ohnonono, poor Rebecca. She just opened her mouth and said something silly to a big shot man in a suit. What is she going to do? Ohmaagood, he loved her idea and though she was cute. Oh, well…giggle.

I’m fucking tired of these girls. I’m not saying all manic pixie dream girls are annoying. Some of them, I actually like. Because they are fun and a little crazy and mostly, they aren’t trying really hard to be. Jess of New Girl is the most recent character to make my blood boil. The thick rimmed glasses and the cute summer dresses and the incessant jabbering and the clumsiness. And they all look the same right down to the bangs and the nervous hand twitching. How can that be anything but adorable?

Well there is absolutely nothing cute about being a klutz. I know, because I am one, and I wish everyday that I would wake up and not hurt myself with the pointy edges of my bed, the hard meter in that rickshaw, stub my toe against the table or scrape my knee. If you know me in real life and have never seen me fall down a flight of stairs or bleed from a wound I got from that drawer handle, please comment and let me know. I have marks and bruises all over and it is not cute. Can’t really wear flowery little summer dresses when you’ve got a large scab on you ankle can you? And from experience, I can say that summer dresses when you know you’re going to be drinking is just heresy. (It’s a long story and it involves alcohol and me screaming “Propeller blades” and twirling around, arms to the sides.)

It is not cute to be embarrassed all the time; it is not cute to have broken so many glasses that you only use steel ones to drink water. It is not cute when there are actual stories starting with “Remember that time when Sharanya banged her head against something/fell of the bed.”

And that fact that television and movies think it’s cute for a girl to hurt herself and make an ass out herself and always get a man who finds all these little idiosyncrasies of her lovable pisses me off. Is it because a helpless little silly girl is what guys want? So, they can take care of her? Is a girl who has no control over her body and mouth endearing?

I do not get it. I just don’t.


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