The Hardy Boys: The fact that these boys (who in my head, have come to look like the Jonas Brothers) never discussed their case with their father, even though at the end of every mystery, it becomes evident that their detective father, Fenton Hardy was working on the same damn case. If you are smart enough to foil the mafia’s plan and use Morse code to escape kidnappers, surely you must see this pattern. If you exclaim, “oh, father was dealing with the same criminals” after the 900th case, it stops being a surprise, morons!
The Archie Comics: Little Archie. It’s funny that Archie is caught in the love triangle with Betty and Veronica, but when you make them kids, it’s just creepy. Sure, restaurant dates become picnics and smooches become pecks on the cheek, but hey hey, they are children! There’s a pervy little boy hitting on two chicks and it’s not cute. Also, Betty’s perpetually perfectly S-shaped ponytail.
The Nancy Drew Series: Nancy Drew. Also, what kind of idiot dates someone with a name like Ned Nickerson?
The Harry Potter Series: The fact that Victor Krum was friendless and alone before he met Hermoine Granger. In the second task of the Triwizard Tournament, the person you would miss most had to be rescued and Krum’s person was Granger. We are talking about a Quidditch star here, who just a few months ago had taken the wizarding world by storm with his feinting. It’s impossible to believe that for years, he had no friends, girlfriends or even quidditch buddies that he would miss and instead bestowed all his yearning for a girl he met a few weeks ago at a new school. A Quidditch star, STAR, with no social life? C’mon.
Malory Towers and Saint Claire’s: Girls who didn’t play or like sports were never the “good sort”, they were always the weak little ninnies who would be laughed at later or given a “dressing down.” It is possible to hate games and still be a good sport okay. OKAY! YOUR MOM IS A NINNY!