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The anti-anti-Disney post

The anti-anti-Disney post

I blame my older cousins for taking away my childlike naïveté. Did Santa really climb into our 4th floor apartment (through a locked window grill) while we were at midnight mass? (“They put the presents under the tree when you’re waiting at the car.”) The truth about where babies come from? (“I’m not lying. Here’s a dictionary, look up “intercourse””) The tooth fairy. (“Don’t tell them when the next one falls off and see what happens.”)

As it turns out I followed that last suggestion. Sure enough, the tooth was still under my pillow the next morning. Know what I did? I left the offending thing under my pillow and came to breakfast announcing that it fell off while I was brushing. I got my coin the next day. I know what you’re thinking, but no, I didn’t do it for the coin. I did it because I was pretending to myself, that the tooth fairy did exist and that the parent’s thing was a lie. As a kid and even now as an adult, I’d rather pretend, than face up to uncomfortable truths, even when I know better. That’s why when I see things like this on the internet, it irritates me. Come on. As children, we were told a lot of lies and now that we’re adult, we know better. That’s how life works but after cynicism became cool, people have forgotten to ignore and pretend. It seems to me that everywhere I look, there’s just more evidence of how pop culture in the 90’s set us 90’s kids up for a harsh world of bitter truths, or how Disney taught us all the wrong lessons (Hey thanks a lot, Disney. Because of you, I sing songs to random birds all day and think that the perfect kiss involves someone dipping me.)

The point I’m trying to make is simply this. Nobody took away any life lessons from the Disney princesses and from the 90’s. We just watched them and moved the fuck on. Lots of women today think that being kissed while you’re asleep by someone who’s never met you is borderline creepy (but if you’re into that, hey, no judgement) and the same women have probably watched, read and enjoyed Sleeping Beauty. And if any guy tries keeping an ordinary woman locked up against her will, the way the beast did belle, then he shouldn’t complain that he won’t be able to have children anymore.

As adults, we live and handle this world, the way it’s meant to be lived and handled or we die. The television we watched and the books we read when we were between the ages of 6 and 12, have nothing to do with how we live our lives today, so why bring it up and ruin a good thing? I think the ending of My fair lady is terribly unfeminist, but it’s still my favourite movie, right?

And life isn’t as dramatic at art and really Cracked? You’re going to blame The fox and the hound for segregation? Everybody should just please remain calm and slowly remove the coolness-crises arrow from their respective knees.

Oh, but I’m probably inclined to agree with this.

On another note, everyone please have a happy and safe Diwali. Remember, a great Diwali is a Diwali where our eardrums stay in one piece for usage through the remainder of our days.


Ten list ideas that just didn’t make the cut

Ten list ideas that just didn’t make the cut

This week, we’re letting you in on all the hard work we put in. It’s grueling hours and tons of french toast, and about a million heated debates. These are list ideas that didn’t make the cut.

Things on TV that wouldn’t work in real life. Like the dreamatorium. (But we always suspected they could, if we tried)

Our favorite catchphrases (Cool, cool, cool)

Animated characters that stole our hearts (there were too many)

Disney princesses that would make great feminists (there were too few. Okay okay. There was one.)

Favourite blooper reels

Amazing Parks and Recreation life theories

Ghetto slang we picked up from The Wire

Alternate uses for Joel Mchale’s hair

Ten reasons we would date Andy Dwyer and ten reasons we wouldn’t date Chris Tregar

Why we think we’re now qualified to be drug dealers (It all boiled down to : We watch Breaking Bad)

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