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Our predictions and hopes for 2013

Breaking Bad: Skyler jumps off a cliff and or Walt puts a gun to her head and pulls the trigger out of sheer frustration. Walt and Hank Shreader become cohorts or better, Hank shoots Walt and takes over as Heisenberg. Jesse finds love and settles down. He buys a house that’s filled floor to ceiling with magnets. Yeah, magnets bitches. (Although, we demand at least one scene of him crying this season). Breaking Bad goes down in history as one of the best shows ever.

Mad men: The show takes a leaf out of Ekta Kapoor’s book and takes a generation leap. Joan’s baby and Sally now run their own advertising agency. Or Roger and Joan hook up. Betty gets fatter. Sally gets smarter. Peggy decides she’s into girls. Megan poisons Don. Or Don dies in an unexplained way and continues to be an unpredictable enigma even in his death.

After being nominated and losing the Emmy for five consecutive years, Jon Hamm stabs Damien Lewis and Bryan Cranston on the red carpet.

Homeland: Dana dies in a tragic car accident; Saul becomes head of the CIA (because clearly there are just 2 people left in the entire CIA). Carrie continues to be a wine-gulping maniac and she makes it her life’s mission to clear Brody’s name…then something else blows up. (Side note: it would be lovely if she attended some classes and actually learned to play the trumpet. Our ears would be eternally gratefully)

Arrested development comes back and gives meaning to our lives again.

Carries Diaries either becomes our greatest guilty pleasure or humanity’s doom from an overdose of all things SATC.

Community:  Season 4 completely sucks or kicks ass. Either way, we can’t wait for some more of Troy and Abed on our T-V!

How I met you….oh who cares?

The Golden Globes kick so much ass that Hollywood decided to give up. It cannot possibly get better hosts than Amy Pohler and Tina Fey and from here on out, actors pick up the awards in a Baltimore back alley while a homeless guy plays the guitar.

Arnab Goswami invites Jerry Pinto for a debate. It’s a screaming match like no other.

Sachin Tendulkar joins Jhalak Dikhla Jaa. It’s seems like a real possibility.

The makers of Sherlock take pity on us addicts and decide to give us season three this year instead of 2014.

Kimye’s new little bundle of blinged up, swagged out style gets his own little reality TVshow. Where he squabbles with his blankie, has a fall out with his teddy bear and plans little tea parties in his room where dad gets the tunes and mommy runs around looking important.

Shah Rukh Khan retires. Well we can hope, can’t we?

When this interview was taken in 2009 the tentative release date for sequel to A suitable boy was 2013. Huzzah! The novel, titled A suitable girl is the story of finding a match for Lata’s grandson. The only thing is: deadlines mean nothing to Seth. He’s a literary version of George RR Martin, so readers may just find themselves dealing with the crushing disappointment of having to wait another whole year for the book to be released.

Ranbir Kapoor has an existential crisis. Could it be that he’s gone through every woman in Bollywood in the span of two years? He wants to drink himself to death but then thinks that would be a waste of pretty. He starts dating himself.

People realise they actually can eat food without instagramming it first.

Kittens get ousted and cute little lemurs take over the internet.

Ooops, spoilers!

Ooops, spoilers!

Of all first world problems the one that rattles me most is the ‘Spoiler Alert’. And while I agree with Mindy Kaling that you should “be a man about it”, I also hate people who find joy in spoiling things for you.

But lets face it, if you aren’t on top of every show you follow, somebody somewhere is going to ruin it for you. But I do have some tips for you if you want to avoid them all.

– Invest in a pair of noise-cancelling headphones. This is a fool-proof method to ensure you don’t hear your friends gushing about the season finale of Breaking Bad and spend a few days like lonely sad person till you catch up. Wear them everywhere. No place is safe. Your office, the coffee shop, the bar…yes, it will suck to wear a pair of headphones at the bar and you might a miss a whole interesting conversation because you don’t know when they stopped discussing Walter White but hey, at least you don’t know Frank figured out…whoops, sorry.

Image Courtesy: The Interwebz
-Which brings me to the most essential point; the internet or as you could call it, the spoiler universe. If you’ve downloaded the last episode of Homeland but just haven’t managed to watch it yet, it calls for a blanket internet ban. You can check your email on your phone but no twitter, facebook (you know what happened with Talaash) and absolutely no other website. Sure, there is always the ‘spoiler alert’ just before it. What are you supposed to do? Switch you mind off as soon as you see those words? From Guardian to New Yorker to Time magazine they are all minefields of spoilers and analysis and memes and one stray word about a terrorist…

– Watch every episode as it comes out. If you aren’t caught up on a show, call in sick, stay home and watch it. Do not venture out of the house. Don’t call people; they could let something slip. It isn’t even just the drama/thriller shows. I can’t even stand it when people reveal important things about sitcoms. Ooh, did you see the episode when Ben proposes to..lalalallalala.

Precious readers who just came here looking for witty banter and shining examples of brilliant writing,

We are sorry but we’ve taken a break this week (no, no, no don’t weep) on account of crazy jumping, dancing and taking in the awesomeness that is NH7 Weekender that has left us exhausted and unable to put sentences in words coherence without. Next week updates back worry don’t.

Love.

Sheena and Sharanya

Alternative TV shows we wish existed

Alternative TV shows we wish existed

In a different timeline, we’d have totally tuned in to these.

Nothing suits me like a suit: Barney Stinson in conversation with his suits.

The closet is set, the scotch is poured out, the ties have all gathered. This fall, on NBC, the charming Barney Stinson will have a tête-à-tête with…his suits. Suits! Suits! Suits!

Walk and Talk: Aaron Sorkin’s latest on the commercialization of the walking and talking industry

Walking. To move at a regular and fairly slow pace by lifting and setting down each foot in turn, never having both feet off the ground at once. Talking. To be able to make sounds indicative of human speech. Is this what the founding fathers of America want for us? Where are the morals? Where is our basic ethical instinct? DO big corporations care? Why do the Republicans want us to talk? Do the liberals really care about walking? And what the fuck is wrong with this great nation? Coming soon on HBO.

Walter White: Confessions of a crazy gambler

Known to most as the cook, Walter White, Meth Chef Extraordinaire, lets us know that we had it wrong all along. He was ACTUALLY a gambling addict. No Kidding. Catch it straight from the horse’s mouth. This evening at 8pm. Only on ABC.

Inspector Space Time: Live from Abed’s dreamatorium.

Beep. Beep. Boom. Where reality meets fantasy and the galaxy floats away and the rolling of dice causes time to split. Starring Abed Nadir and Troy Barnes in a cardboard box instead of a telephone booth. The question, constable isn’t where, but when!

Passion Unbridled: Mrs Janet Snakehole and FBI Officer Kurt Mackelan, A daytime soap.

She’s a rich widow with a terrible past. He used to be in the FBI till they fired him. For stealing the presidents rubies. Will they find love? Who burned down the mill? A gripping tale of lust and drama.

Steven Hyde and the case for the hippy uprising: A documentary

Whatever.

Robin Sparkles: A sequel

Let’s go to the mall, I now have money. Let’s go right away, it’s alright honey. She’s as sparkly as ever and she’s back on your screen every Friday at 10! Except this time, she’s older and half American! No you get ‘oat’ of town!

Wealth of Nations, Read aloud by Stringer Bell.

(Slideshow: Visuals of Mr. Bell in various poses, all topless. Audio: Voiceover by Stringer Bell: Excerpts from Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith. Text Visual: “Coming soon.”)

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